(Not So) Ordinary

Recently, a friend and I were having an ordinary conversation. You see, we've both had problems with insomnia for as long as we can remember, so it's common for us to check in on one another and make sure the other is getting at least some rest. When I told my friend that I had actually been sleeping a lot better lately, he was obviously surprised and wanted to know what magic cure I had found. Sleep, for either one of us, has been so elusive for such a large part of our lives that it's something of a miracle when it comes. When I told him that I'm falling to sleep without struggle every night now that I've begun praying for others while laying in bed, he seemed amazed yet let down.

He informs me, "I'm glad you're sleeping, but that won't work for me."

"Why not?" I ask.

"Prayer is only effective if you believe."

I feel the need to remind the reader that I'm relatively new in my faith, having only attended church for a little over a year. Now here I am, face-on with a new challenge: do I let the conversation dwindle and change the subject, or make my first attempt at witnessing? I will say that again, first attempt...e-v-e-r. Well, you've probably guessed by now that I chose to witness...or try to, but I' was scared witless!

After a brief conversation, it was getting pretty late and the sweet promise of that aforementioned slumber was beckoning to me. So we agreed to continue the discussion in a few days and head off to bed. ...Or so I thought. After saying good-bye, the sheer panic of what I'd just agreed to do hit me like a category-5 hurricane! I haven't even finished reading the Bible yet! How on earth am I going to answer his questions?! If you know me at all, you know how terrified I am of making any mistakes, let alone one of this magnitude. This man is already jaded, views Christians as hypocrites, and thinks that God has given up on us. What if I say the wrong thing and push him even further away from our glorious Savior? Can we say "panic attack"?

Before I can feel comfortable heading to bed, I send out an S.O.S. to a dear friend of mine and another to one of our Pastors. I'm quite literally anxiety ridden at this point and am hoping for them to send me some sort of guidebook, manual, or miracle statement before the chat-date arrives. With only a day and a half to prepare myself, I was going to have to do some serious cramming! So, I sit there staring at my screen, waiting, and listening for that blessed chime to ring, alerting me that I've got mail.

*CHRING*

Yes! They've responded -- I'm saved! ... Think again, chica. They both mailed me back, saying pretty much the same thing. "YOU have no pressure because God's word says, "one plants, another waters, but GOD gives the increase" ....He may use your words to lead this friend to Christ but this is His responsibility..." Now what?! Yes, it's God's responsibility and I trust HIM, but I don't trust myself to hear His voice over the clamoring of thought & panic in my own mind!

Ok girl, calm yourself. You just need to plant seeds. His salvation doesn't rest in your hands, it rests in God's. "You just need to plant the seed." I can handle that much, right? Seeds...seeds... ....where did I put my seeds!?!

Thankfully (for me), something came up & my friend wasn't able to make our chat-date date. Maybe God just knew I wasn't ready? But the following day (yesterday, actually), I bump into my Pastor while running some errands & he gives me a book called "Becoming a Contagious Christian" by Bill Hybels & Mark Mittenberg. I'm only into Chapter Two and already had something speak to me.

In a section about the personal rewards of witnessing, the authors say:

"God gets great pleasure from sending His agents on secret reconnaissance missions with personal instructions no one else knows about. He loves to stretch us beyond our comfort zones and challenge us to take risks on the front lines of His Kingdom-advancement enterprises. He delights in giving us action-on-the-edge where, with white knuckles, we'll cling to Him as He takes us on the spiritual ride of our lives. The thrilling part is that He does this to help us grow as well as to spread His love to more and more wayward people."

So here I am, asking why He would trust me with this task right now. Why so soon into my spiritual walk would He put this on my plate? Why, when I'm still struggling to learn to hear His voice, to read and understand His word, and to learn to walk His path in all aspects of my life? Then that one paragraph jumps right out and smacks me in the face. It stings! Maybe He's put this task in front of me to help ME grow as well! Maybe He's forcing me to dig deeper and pray harder to find the answers to my own questions so that I can, in turn, help lead my friend to Him. I need to make sure that the seeds sown in me have not been thrown on rocky soil, eaten by birds, burned by the sun, or choked by thorns, before I can bear fruit for Him.

Among the blessings I'm finding in this book are my Pastor's notes. You see, this was a study book from his college days & is filled with notes, commentary, and outlines in the margins. He may not have realized it then, but God was using his scribbled notes to speak to me all these years later. One of his comments reads: "Look for God to transform the ordinary into an extra-ordinary faith-adventure." And I believe that is exactly the type of journey He has in store for me -- discovering my own path as I help my friend embark on his.

The Fear of God

Starting before bed last night & then finishing up this morning, I read Leviticus 3, 4, & 5. These passages have left me much to think about as I go about my day today.

In listening to others preach, sometimes it seems as though we worship two Gods. There's the God who is kind, forgiving, loving, and merciful. And then there is the God whose wrath we fear, who will throw us into the pits of Hell for not following His word. In thinking on that a bit more, I suppose it could be seen as the God of the New Testament and the God of the Old Testament (respectively).

Today, I will be pondering that seemingly split-personality that is sometimes represented and how to make sure that in my kids' lives, He is known as one whole God who is at once loving yet just, kind yet demanding, forgiving yet abhorrent of sin, and merciful yet angry at our disobedience.

The Israelites at the foot of Mount Sinai had tangibly clear consequences for their sins. They knew that when they sinned they would have to sacrifice something dear to them in order to restore their relationship with God. While I'm joyous for our Savior, thankful for His sacrifice, and humbled by His love ... I can't help but wonder how the consequences of the Old Testament may have motivated the people to obey.

In today's world, when we sin, it is comforting to hear the familiar phrase "You're human; we all sin. Don't worry, Jesus washed our sins away." Unfortunately, it also makes it easy to think that we can be less vigilant in our fight against sin. It may even lead us to think that we can go on and do something sinful "just this once" because we are forgiven anyway. I think that if we don't keep the fear of God in our hearts along with the message of His forgiveness, then we are condemning ourselves further to our sinful nature.

So my thought for today is.... How do we instill in our children (and ourselves, for that matter) a healthy fear of God without scaring the daylights out of them? How do we help them understand that, yes, we are forgiven, but that doesn't give us license to sin? How do we make sure they grow up being accountable for their sins rather than just shrugging off their misdeeds with a flippant "God forgives"?

Beautiful Church Performance

This video was sent to me by a friend. It was too great not to share, so here it is. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Stilwell: "Dear God"

Just got back from a church concert and had to share. Some members of our church worship team also formed a band called Stilwell. Tonight was the release party for their first CD! Not only that, but it was a benefit for a little boy in our area who had adrenal cancer. (It's a relatively newly discovered cancer and doesn't have much available in the way of treatments. So if you get a chance, please look into it and help out the cause.) I'm just so incredibly proud of these folks and had to share one of their songs with you. This video was actually recorded at one of our Sunday morning services & is not from last night's concert, but the sound quality is pretty decent given it's a YouTube video. I hope you enjoy their music as much as I do. If you REALLY like it, their CD will be available September 1st, so be on the lookout! Another band that came to play at the concert tonight is Five Hundred Fires. If you'd like to check them out at all, you can find them on MySpace.

Anyhoo...without further ado, here is Stilwell performing their original song "Dear God":

Realization

If you'd told my husband or I two years ago that we'd enjoy getting up at 6:30 am on a Sunday so that we could go to church, we'd have called you crazy. Ok, maybe we don't enjoy the getting up early part, but we do look forward to church all week long. So much so, that even though there are 4 different services available at our church on Sundays, we actually get up and go to the earliest one. This is quite a feat for two who are polar opposites to the proverbial "morning person." And on top of that, we stay for a fellowship meeting directly following the service!

Our fellowship group would also fall into the category of things we never thought we'd enjoy. The picture in my mind of a fellowship/bible-study used to depict a group of scowling people in drab clothing sitting in a circle staring at one another as if peering into their souls. It showed the older people lecturing and scolding the younger people, pointing out their many sins and evil ways. Then of course, there was the one wild and unfaithful woman who refused to be oppressed. She'd come to listen but instead would be the recipient of scornful glares and veiled attacks, while the rest of the group just hoped she'd leave.

The difference between that image and reality is just astounding! Instead of self-righteous holy-rollers virulently denouncing sinners and creating new rules we should follow in order to avoid them, I find a group of compassionate people of all ages who want to see one another thrive in their spiritual development. People who empathize and commiserate with one another == adn their faults -- and use that understanding to help one another along their journey in learning and obeying His Word.

Also in the category of things we never thought would happen is sadness over the missing of a service. Our car decided to quit on us at the end of last week. Even though we'd arranged a ride to church, something happened so that our "chauffeur" was unable to make it. This was the first service we've missed in probably 6 months or more. It felt awful! We look so forward to each week's sermon and the following fellowship, it just felt like something had been torn away from us. And not only that, this was the week we were to begin our in-depth study of finding your spiritual giftedness and learning to use it for His honor and glory. That's right, we were actually upset because we missed our first assignment! What a huge change!

It just amazes us... amazes me... how much He has worked in our lives in such a short period of time. I've not yet finished reading the Bible for the first time yet; we've only been attending church for approximately a year; we still have sooooooooo much to learn and so far to grow. So it just astounds me how He can transform even the newly-faithful so abundantly and in such a short time.

Trash for Cash

If you're among the financially struggling crowd as I am, you may feel guilty about not being able to give more to the church and its ministries. Have no fear, the remedy is here!

Not too long ago, our children participated in "Can a Missionary" month with their AWANA group. The premise was simple. The children collected as many 5¢ returnable cans & bottles as they could, and the winning team won a pizza party. All of the refuse collected would be recycled, with the resulting cash used to support our missionaries. The "competition" ended with the kids having a ton of fun and saving the earth, all while raising several hundred dollars for our missionaries.

Then it dawned on me.... why can't we do the same thing in our household on a regular basis? Instead of putting our recyclables out in that blue tote for a truck to haul away each week, lets put in a small extra effort and return them for cash! Then when that offering plate comes around each Sunday morning, we can know we at least did something to help, rather than just wishing we could. Imagine how much money could be raised for missions (or whatever your passion) if every member of the congregation did the same?

It's a simple act in exchange for great rewards. Won't you join me?

Protecting One's Family or Breaking a Commandment?

The Commandments tell us to honor our parents. But what if one of them is abusive? Is disconnecting from this family member in direct opposition to the Commandments? Perhaps I should explain in more detail.

I love my father, I really do. Perhaps that's why keeping my distance from him hurts so much and is the basis for my intense feelings of guilt. You see, my father is a..unique...man. You could say that his heart and temper are often at odds. Unfortunately, his temper wins out more often than not. While he would give the shirt off his back to take care of the ones he loves, he also has a tendency to batter them, both physically and emotionally. And though I've dealt with it all my life, and loved him regardless, having children of my own made it progressively more difficult to keep in contact.

To say that I was (and am) torn would be an enormous understatement. There is the part of me that wants my children to grow up knowing the loving and caring side of their grandfather. To see him teach them to fish and play guitar. To watch the joy and pride on his face as he sees them reach goals and grow into even more amazing children than they already are. Then there is the side of me that feels the need to protect them. Because unfortunately, that good also comes with a horrendous bad side, filled with manipulativeness, hostility, and scorn.

When the kids were first born, we really tried to keep him involved and to encourage his good side. We'd tip-toe around the bad side and try to keep it at bay so that the children could grow up knowing, loving, and enjoying their time with him. That lasted until our youngest child was about 6 months old. Then due to, what seemed to the rest of us who were there, a small misunderstanding -- well, he went off the deep end. He came after me physically, right in front of them. While he managed to stop himself before actually hitting me, it really drove home the possible danger I was subjecting my children to. Even if he never actually hit me or one of them, what kind of role model would he be? My husband and I talked and cried together for quite some time over the matter. We finally came to the decision that we had to stop the cycle of abuse in the family with this generation. We vowed that we would do our best to keep them from seeing this type of behavior, but most importantly, we were going to protect them from becoming victims of it.

That meant that they would no longer be able to be around him. And of course, that also meant they'd never get to see the good things about him either. They were young enough then that they don't even remember him -- which is at once comforting and heart breaking. At least I know they don't remember that awful day, and weren't subject to the repercussions of the mental abuse that I still struggle to overcome.

It has been at least 6 years now since we've had any real contact with him. He or my step-mother will send an occasional card or letter. Sometimes they simply tell us they miss us, other times it's a terrible guilt trip reminding me of what a horrible person I am to keep him from witnessing his grandchildren grow up. I never reply. And as a result, he can't possibly know how much it hurts me to not have him in my life. As difficult as it is to deal with all the bad times, I really miss the good side of him. It breaks my heart to know that the kids will never know that side. I think of how I would feel if I never got to see my own children grow up & I just break down.

Now, you're probably wondering why I don't try to talk it out with him, right? Why wouldn't I tell him why we've been keeping him at a distance and try to find a way that he could be involved in our lives without the abuse? That's where the whole situation gets extra tricky, and where the weight of responsibility for my family's safety all but crushes me. You see, my father deals with chronic depression, along with some other chemical imbalances. He's threatened suicide many times in the past, and his best friend killed himself a few years back. It's a bit tough to explain, but as long as he remains angry at a person, he doesn't have to take any responsibility onto himself. As soon as he has to realize that something painful is his fault, he either violently denies it and lashes out...or he falls even deeper into depression and the possibility of suicide exponentially increases.

While I know most councilors would tell me that his suicide would not be my fault, that it would be the result of his inability to deal with emotional stress combined with his chemical imbalances, I would never be able to forgive myself if something I'd done was the catalyst that put him over the edge. So, while it is immensely painful for me to be completely disconnected from him, I also feel it is necessary for both our children's' safety, as well as his own.

Is this disobedience to the fifth Commandment? Is there a solution that my husband and I have overlooked? I suppose it would also be helpful to mention that my father now lives on the other side of the country. He said that if his children no longer wanted anything to do with him, there was no reason to stay nearby. Can we say 'adding insult to injury'?

The point is that I lead my life overshadowed by the guilt and pain that this decision has left in my life. But I fear that not making this choice would have left me with more of the same, coupled with the possibility of endangering my children as well. But if this decision is in violation of God's law.... well, I just don't know what else to do.

He Even Works Through Forwards!

Maybe some of you have seen or received this email yourselves... but it blew me away enough that I had to go searching for the video the writer was referring to. I've included the links to the video (it's broken into 5 parts). The entire thing takes about 45mins to watch, but it's well worth it. I hope some of you enjoy it as much as I have. It just amazes me how He can even send me a message I so needed to hear through a simple email forward.

"Subject: FW: God's Glue

This is really neat and just reinforces what we've always known; that "Our God is an Awesome God!'


Just a little more incredible stuff from our Creator.

A couple of days ago I was running (I use that term very loosely) on my treadmill, watching a DVD sermon by Louie Giglio...and I was BLOWN AWAY! I want to share what I learned....but I fear not being able to convey it as well as I want. I will share anyway.

He (Louie) was talking about how inconceivably BIG our God is...how He spoke the universe into being...how He breathes stars out of His mouth that are huge raging balls of fire...etc. etc. Then He went on to speak of how this star-breathing, universe creating God ALSO knitted our human bodies together with amazing detail and wonder. At this point I am LOVING it (fascinating from a medical standpoint, you know.) ...and I was remembering how I was constantly amazed during medical school as I learned more and more about God's handiwork. I remember so many times thinking...'How can ANYONE deny that a Creator did all of this???'

Louie went on to talk about how we can trust that the God who created all this, also has the power to hold it all together when things seem to be falling apart...how our loving Creator is also our sustainer.

And then I lost my breath.
And it wasn't because I was running on my treadmill, either!!!
It was because he started talking about laminin.
I knew about laminin. Here is how wikipedia describes them :'Laminins are a family of proteins that are an integral part of the structural scaffolding of basement membranes in almost every animal tissue.' You see....laminins are what hold us together ...LITERALLY. They are cell adhesion molecules. They are what holds one cell of our bodies to the next cell. Without them, we would literally fall apart. And I knew all this already. But what I didn't know is what laminin LOOKED LIKE.

But now I do.
And I have thought about it a thousand times since (already)....
Here is what the structure of laminin looks like...AND THIS IS NOT a 'Christian portrayal' of it....if you look up laminin in any scientific/medical piece of literature, this is what you will see...



Now tell me that our God is not the coolest!!!
Amazing.
The glue that holds us together....ALL of us....is in the shape of the cross.

Immediately Colossians 1:15-17 comes to mind.

'He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.
For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible,
whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;
all things were created by him and for him.
He is before all things,
and in him all things HOLD TOGETHER.'
Colossians 1:15-17


Call me crazy. I just think that is very, very, very cool.
Thousands of years before the world knew anything about laminin, Paul penned those words. And now we see that from a very LITERAL standpoint, we are held together ...one cell to another....by the cross.

You would never in a quadrillion years convince me that is anything other than the mark of a Creator who knew EXACTLY what laminin 'glue' would look like long before Adam even breathed his first breath!!

We praise YOU, Lord!"

Louis Giglio: How Great is Our God:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5